Happy New Year!

This year my new year resolution will probably be the same as everyone elses'. Lose weight. Get fit, be a better person. Blah blah blah. What will probably happen will be that I will resolve all these new things and then by March will have gotten all depressed because they haven't happened. Realistically I hope,mostly to not have such low self esteem. To at some point look at myself in the mirror and no matter what the reflection shows me, be happy with what I see. I would like to care less with what other people may or may not think about me. I want to let go of all the past negativity that comes back to crowd my brain making me doubt what I know is okay and not worry myself into an anxiety attack when it is not.
What I would love to say my goals are for this year would be:
To take care of myself. If I am stressed or sad to recognize it and manage it before I hit the kitchen cabinets. To not eat mindlessly.
To be a more well rested and patient mom.
To not let my husband push my buttons. To know when he is manipulating a situation to get what he wants. I am tired of always guessing his true intent. It doesn't happen often but that goes back to not letting past transgressions cloud my judgement.
To stand up for what I want. To know that I am worth it too.
To not let someone else determine my self worth. That I am a smart person, even if I am a stay at home mom. To find the time no matter what to become involved with something. Whether it is a class or more schooling or a school organization. Whatever it is to make it work.
To raise my children the way they need to be raised. With the knowledge they can be whatever they want and to constantly encourage them to think and explore their world while I am here to make it safe. To raise them with the belief we have a forgiving God and to always treat others as they would like to be treated.
Wow , sounds like a lot. Luckily I have all year to see it happen. I am hopeful.

Are we there yet?

Is it the new year yet? Are the holidays over? I think I am at my limit. Where is my holiday spirit you ask? Have I lost sight of the REAL meaning of Christmas? No, I haven't. I just am tired of all the other crap that comes along with every holiday. The expectations, the busy everything, the traffic, the FOOTBALL. God I am so sick of the football. Its on all the time.. and if its not on then some show about the games is on.. Enough already. There should be a cap set on how much per week NORMAL people are subjected to it. During the stress of the Christmas season I should be able to turn on the T.V. at night for a little enjoyment the last thing I should have to flip around is more football. With 2 boys I know I am just biding my time till they want to watch with dad. I may have to get new lodgings for the 5 months that it is football season just to preserve my sanity. Maybe. But then I would still have to come home. And clean up the mess. Its good to be needed. Sometimes.

The holidays

The holidays are here and I am glad. Glad because its almost over. I am the biggest Grinch. I am so tired of the crowds and the expectations. I am ready to spend this winter holiday with my family. I love to watch the kids open their presents. I love to see their little faces all excited and the babies as they get that under the wrapping paper, that they figured out is the one thing they can tear and not get yelled at, is something that they never imagined.. You guessed it a cardboard box. And sometimes in that box is a TOY! Whoa baby. That is the only part of the holidays that I like. What I can do without is one more newscast or talk show talking about how much to tip people. This tipping is to the point of ridiculous. I REFUSE to tip people who are simply doing the job they are being paid to do. Like the paper boy and the mail lady and people in food service who are not waiters. If I order a coffee then their job is to make it. I wait at the end of the counter and they pass it over to me. They don't bring it to me. If they see my hands full with kids and such no one has ever offered to follow me to my car while I load them all up and then hold my drink while I get them loaded up so I didn't spill my drink.. Now that would get a tip. And the paper boy, his job is to throw the paper onto the driveway. HIS JOB. The mail lady.. Don't even get me started she never shows up before 3 and I think that some days she just doesn't always feel like stopping. HER JOB IS TO DELIVER THE MAIL. Why does she get tipped? Oh well, I am cheap I guess. Good for me. I am actually not too concerned. But yet another reason I hate the holidays..

It won't be forever

Delilah is going through something where she is attached to my legs. I have learned that I just pick her up and move her to where I want to go. I cannot detach her until she wants to detach. She is usually not crying but I hate to see that lip. I know all kids go through this but my boys never just had to be touching me once they could walk. If I am sitting on the floor then she turns around and backs up till she plops onto my lap. And just sits there until she moves. She doesn't let you move her. This is really hard for since 95% of my day is spent chasing, not sitting. Tucker and Delilah are the duo of destruction lately. One is the distraction and the other is the trouble. As soon as I turn my back they have climbed ,tipped, torn, or emptied whatever it is they have set their sights on. I spend my days putting out fires. I am very tired at the end of the day and enjoy sitting, finally,for a period of time that extends five minutes. But I know they grow up quick and it won't last forever. I am glad they feel this attachment to me because in another 5 years or maybe when they are teens I won't be who they run to anymore. So I will take the inconvenience now, because in 10 years I will probably have plenty of time to clean or sit...It kind of makes me sad.

Customer Service

This has been the worst week. I have had no cell phone. I know it sounds stupid because its just a phone but you don't realize how much you are attached to it until its gone. It died. It simply will not charge. I have been on the phone with my service provider practically all week. I have talked to no less than 15 people, all who never had a clue how to do anything except type in my information than pass me onto another department. I got so frustrated after the first call, but reminded myself that I don't make the rules and neither do they. They only have to follow them. But by the end of the week when they informed me that I had to send my phone in, and they do not send out a replacement phone, I would be out a phone almost 3 more weeks, I lost it. I told the woman that I was sorry, I didn't mean to shoot the messenger, but this was totally unacceptable. There was no way that I was going to pay my whole bill that I wanted to have it prorated for the month, after all I couldn't use it if I didn't even have it. It sounds petty, but with a kid in school I have it on all the forms as an emergency contact. Now I feel uncomfortable leaving the house in case they need to get a hold of me. I sound paranoid. I probably am. I still want my cell phone.

The "other" mom

The one constant I have discovered in all my travels is that there is always going to be "that" mom in a group. We all know her. The mom who seems to have the cleanest house, the most well behaved children, a supportive husband, and who never seems frazzled. The mom who always looks put together and on top of all these stellar qualities is nice. You meet her and she looks like her kids must have been hatched because she has a body that still looks "before". Before baby,before husband, before life...What do these people do to get like that. I would love to leave the house matching and without something dried on my sleeve. My goal is that when all the kids are in school full time I am going to get myself all fixed up then change school districts so no one knows what a car wreck I looked like on a daily basis. Then I can be a "other"mom. Except for the well behaved kid thing...Maybe I can rent a couple for big events. I love mine but they are a little wild. Let me put it this way, if everyones life had a theme song for when they went out in public, mine would be the big top theme. A total circus.

die+t =diet

Why do they make over the counter diet pills? Only to tease and promise things totally undeliverable unless you take their pills and stop eating. Most of the pills out there get you so caffeinated that you are jittery all day. All I want is a pill that does what it promises.It would be so great if I could do that and lose the baby weight.Ahhh baby weight. That delightful leftover from pregnancy. Who knew. Who knew that there would be such great after effects to having a baby, to bringing forth life into this world. I was in pretty good shape when I got pregnant with my first. But I am totally guilty of over eating during the pregnancy gaining 80 pounds and then having a healthy not 30 lb baby. Granted he was 8 odd pounds but they left the rest of that weight for me. All me. Joy. After he was 1 I started working out again, and successfully lost a bunch of inches. Woo-Hoo for me. I was still larger than I started. So I kept at it. When we started to try for #2 I kept working out but never lost the weight in numbers. Finally pregnant with #2 I smartened up and ended up only gaining about 30 pounds. Wonderful. So as soon as I got the okay from my doctor I started exercising with a vengeance, and lost a lot of the weight. Then 3 months later I got pregnant with my third. SURPRISE. After my initial shock and the doctors, I kept exercising and only gained 25 or so pounds. Then I started exercising, a lot. But it wasn't meant to be. My new ob\gyn has told me short of surgery I will never be able to get rid of all stomach that is leftover. Well that's encouraging. thankyouverymuch. So that's why taking diet pills is a last resort, but only if I can find one that actually does what it promises. I should be so lucky.