The "other" mom

The one constant I have discovered in all my travels is that there is always going to be "that" mom in a group. We all know her. The mom who seems to have the cleanest house, the most well behaved children, a supportive husband, and who never seems frazzled. The mom who always looks put together and on top of all these stellar qualities is nice. You meet her and she looks like her kids must have been hatched because she has a body that still looks "before". Before baby,before husband, before life...What do these people do to get like that. I would love to leave the house matching and without something dried on my sleeve. My goal is that when all the kids are in school full time I am going to get myself all fixed up then change school districts so no one knows what a car wreck I looked like on a daily basis. Then I can be a "other"mom. Except for the well behaved kid thing...Maybe I can rent a couple for big events. I love mine but they are a little wild. Let me put it this way, if everyones life had a theme song for when they went out in public, mine would be the big top theme. A total circus.

die+t =diet

Why do they make over the counter diet pills? Only to tease and promise things totally undeliverable unless you take their pills and stop eating. Most of the pills out there get you so caffeinated that you are jittery all day. All I want is a pill that does what it promises.It would be so great if I could do that and lose the baby weight.Ahhh baby weight. That delightful leftover from pregnancy. Who knew. Who knew that there would be such great after effects to having a baby, to bringing forth life into this world. I was in pretty good shape when I got pregnant with my first. But I am totally guilty of over eating during the pregnancy gaining 80 pounds and then having a healthy not 30 lb baby. Granted he was 8 odd pounds but they left the rest of that weight for me. All me. Joy. After he was 1 I started working out again, and successfully lost a bunch of inches. Woo-Hoo for me. I was still larger than I started. So I kept at it. When we started to try for #2 I kept working out but never lost the weight in numbers. Finally pregnant with #2 I smartened up and ended up only gaining about 30 pounds. Wonderful. So as soon as I got the okay from my doctor I started exercising with a vengeance, and lost a lot of the weight. Then 3 months later I got pregnant with my third. SURPRISE. After my initial shock and the doctors, I kept exercising and only gained 25 or so pounds. Then I started exercising, a lot. But it wasn't meant to be. My new ob\gyn has told me short of surgery I will never be able to get rid of all stomach that is leftover. Well that's encouraging. thankyouverymuch. So that's why taking diet pills is a last resort, but only if I can find one that actually does what it promises. I should be so lucky.

The Yearly Family Portrait or Why Parents Drink

We went for our family portrait in September. First let me fill you in on portrait history of our children. With our first son pictures were easy. He loved cheesing for the camera. He would never fuss just smile and pose and sit still. Then we had son number 2. When he was little he would pose with his brother. Mostly because he was not mobile yet and would just stay where we put him. Then by the time number 3,our daughter, came along, he was mobile. She , too, wants nothing to do with sitting still. All of them love to get their picture taken. At home. In the studio, I cannot at this point get them all to sit still, together, for more than 30 seconds. There will be no gaily dressed young children frolicking under the mantle with the Christmas wreath above them. Perhaps a puppy popping out of a package amidst their gleeful gazes. Oh no. Not my kids. I think the one picture we got with the 3 of them together is of the top of ones head as she crawled away and the butt shot of my second son as he went backwards over his older brothers legs. and my oldest son who just look harried. I get how he felt. It was at that point that I just gave up for this year. Maybe I can get a picture of them wrestling a favorite toy at of each others hands while one laughs and 2 scream on.. Now that says "Merry Christmas".

IH8FTBL

I hate football. Hate it. I find nothing interesting about it at all. Yes, I am one of those. The only good part about football is when they all bend over in thier little pants. That's it. And now I am a sexist. I think that athletes today are grossly overpaid. And I think that is an understatement. These people are so overpaid it makes me nauseous. All that money for them to wander around either buying overpriced things or taking drugs and beating their women. All you ever here about is one athlete or another getting in trouble with the law. Or they are totally on the opposite end and have started some "foundation". But only because they have had a kid with some type of disability. Not because they just believe in it. Lord knows they never need to raise money on it they could just use their money. The games aren't even that good. Just shows you what propaganda can do. Even the Olympics bore me. I am all for kids being athletic and being good at something. I think kids in sports can learn a lot of important lessons. But anyone who plays sports after college just doesn't want to grow up. And all the television channels cater to them and block any other programming to show game after game after game. Then there are the channels that show old games.Again. Are you kidding me?!!! Wasn't once enough?And all the sports announcers yapping through everything. And the commercials. They say sports are for the family, but all the commercials are for beer and half naked women. What kind of message does that send? That sports are only tolerable if you are drunk and horny? Great. No wonder I am such a fan.

IH8FTBL

Eating bonbons and watching soap operas.

Life according to my husband is that being a stay at home mom is a piece of cake. He says
"I wish I could stay at home all day playing with the kids while you GO to work" I love it when he says that. I really do. I quickly think of something to go do that requires no children. And then I go do it. Within an hour he has called me 4 times. 4 at least. And each call is a tad more panicked than the next. For instance I went out with some moms from elementary school. He called twice. The second time he put our son on the phone. It was 45 minuetes past this child's bedtime. He was totally was totally wound up. I told him to put his dad back on the phone. Then I told him to put that child to bed. If it was so easy why wasn't our five year old in bed? Then I tell him when I "Go " to work I will not come home and cook and clean and transport children hither and yon. "We" (re: he) finally decided that maybe I should just stay home for a few more years. I agree. I decided for shits and giggles I would list all the things I do in a week let alone a day just to see how many hats I wear.
1.chauffeur
2.nanny
3.cook
4.maid
5.housekeeping
6.dishwasher
7.secretary
8.advisor
9.referee
10.representative
11.greeter
12.the person who has to wait if there are service people coming to the house.(this is a horrible thing that should definitely be hired out.)
13.laundromat
14.and my personal favorite:prostitute.

Things to think about.

I watched my kids playing today and thought, how great for them to be so carefree. Some days I feel so old trying to juggle all the demands of three kids and a house and husband. Other days I feel as if I am too young to be experiencing what I feel. I may be thirty-ish but I feel like just mid-twenties again. Like this life, is not really mine. It is some surreal dream and I will wake up and just be nannying someones beautiful,funny, naughty, loud, children. I just wish there was a better way to remember everything they say and do and not so much how tired I am all the time. I have friends with kids who entertain and travel. I have no idea how they do it. Just trying to figure out the logistics of making that happen makes me very mentally exhausted.
My dirty little secret for the day: I was googling people I had been roommates with in the past before I was married and have stopped speaking to for one reason or another. I found a couple of them. Not married. Have to say with how they treated me before we all parted ways I am a tiny, tiny, tiny bit glad. Shame on me.