Just the beginning

The other night my oldest came downstairs after he was supposed to be asleep complaining about his neck hurting. Now, I didn't buy into that but I did think he needed some TLC without the interference of his sister and brother. So we are laying there watching GLEE, because that is what I had on. I usually quickly change shows like that but I had been watching for half an hour and it was pretty tame. There was actually one of the boys being bullied by another so I figured he could watch that and see that it happens everywhere. Well,literally,push came to shove,and the bully kisses the other boy.This was not what I was expecting and of course,Tanner caught it.
Let the questions begin.
He looked at me and asked why one boy kissed the other one. So then I reminded him of when he asked me what "Gay" was, and that that was it. When boys like boys or girls like girls. I then told him it was nothing more than just being different, like skin color. That everyone needed someone to love. That even though he,personally, may not feel that way, didn't make it wrong. I may have been too emphatic about it as he did the whole kid-exasperated-with-his-mother-sigh.

Then he asked me what "Raped" meant. That's when I asked him where he heard that. Oh,shocker,a kid on the bus.Awesome. Well as briefly as possible I told him it is when,usually a man,forces a woman against her will to have sex with him. This is not real clear to him as we haven't even talked about what sex is. I am still in shock that a kid on the bus, a kid from the neighborhood was discussing this! Really? Y'all are in Elementary school.WHY are you even aware of this word.

It gets better.
Then he asks me what "Bitch "meant. I thought I would get off easy with this by just pointing to the dog. But he didn't buy it. I explained that some people use it to call a woman who is confident and stands up for herself this. I also told him he was to NEVER call a girl or woman this as it would give her permission to punch him in the face, and he could not punch her back. I told him daddy would never call mommy this it was disrespectful and just nasty. He rolled his eyes but agreed.

Then he asked what "flipping the bird" meant. I encouraged him to let one fly, no one was watching. He almost did it, then stopped and just smiled and looked at me. Clearly he thought I had lost my mind. I explained what it meant, and that sadly mommy or daddy might have done it in the car, but it was not something kids did without being punished. He agreed. For now. I then asked where he learned the other things, and he said (wait for it..........................) ON THE BUS!!!

Shocked?

Me neither.
I told him I was proud of him for coming to me and asking and that I would always try to answer his questions and he would never be punished for asking.
Clearly I chose to stop drinking at the wrong time.

Growing wiser but not older

In lieu of my previous post, I felt compelled to write this one to balance it all out. You know,just so you have all the facts.
Last night I met a friend out in Tinley Park. A.friend. I met this girl in 1994. We were both rushing through all the sororities. I was quiet and reserved until I got to know you, she was confident and outspoken. It was a match made in Heaven. She and I were pretty much inseparable for the year and a half I was at that college, and 3 years later, when I came back from New Jersey to live in Kansas City, she was my roommate, once again. There is a downside though. While planning my wedding, she was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. We actually ended up having very harsh words with each other and stopped talking. It was not pretty and I was devastated. But in the way of hindsight I realized we were both just too stubborn to call first. So time went on.
2 Moves, 3 kids, and almost 4 years of facebook later, I found her on there. Tentatively I reached out and she immediately reached back. We called and caught up, cried and apologized and laughed at how cheesy we are. She invited me to her wedding and I went.Her husbands family is from this area although they live in WYOMING(I know, who lives there?) and they came in for his Grandmothers 90 something birthday. So I went out there and hung out. We had so much fun. When I left shortly thereafter, I received a text "I miss you already". I texted back " Pookie, I miss you too." (That's what I call her, Pookie. Another story for another day).
This is my example of a friend. When was the last time we talked on the phone? Probably March. We go randomly back and forth with facebook or emails or texts, little things we think of when we see something and are reminded of each other. That 10 years we didn't talk was for a good thing. She went through some things that were very hard and although I wish I could have been there for her, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. We are close again today so the lost 10 years doesn't matter. This to me is a friendship. She and I aren't judging each other for our actions, there was never "you said, I said " arguments we just... are. This friendship makes me feel good about myself and confident that I could go to her with ANYTHING and she wouldn't gossip, criticize, make faces.. nothing. This is a friend. This is one of my many friends who make me feel this way and I am grateful for all of them.

Older but not wiser.

It has been awhile since I have written on here.So much has happened I don't even know where to start.I will just do my usual and ramble. It seems to be the easiest way to purge whats on my mind.
1. My cousin got married this October. I love his new wife she is so sweet and nice to my kids. I am very excited for them. Their wedding was probably the most unusual I have ever been too. They are Druids. I don't even know the full extent of what that means, just that they are very into nature and each other. And also it must require someone(or two) to dress in Renaissance clothes. No lie.
2. Bobby interviewed for the Kansas City plant. This is good and bad. Good-it is a promotion and as hard as he works he deserves it. Bad-they can match it here and we stay.Good- I love Kansas city and already have a bunch of connections (including 2 babysitters!) so it would be the easiest of all our moves transitioning. Bad- I also have learned to love it here.Good- I like to move. It's a way to purge a bunch of "stuff" from the house for a good reason.Bad-packing. Even though there are packers to come and do it all, there is still pre-packing to do. Good-Bobby would probably start right away so he, in his free time can do some house reconnaissance, because to me after the 5Th house they all look the same. Bad-the kids and I would be here by ourselves to show the house and finish out the school year. BAD-trying to sell the house in this market and keep it "show worthy" almost 24 hours a day with 3 kids and no assistance.
We may never know anything so we go along like we are not moving, but we have fingers and toes crossed he gets the offer. It would mean so much to him that they recognized his achievements.
3.Bullying. Tanner has had some repeat problems with a kid in the neighborhood. The mom rationalizes this kids behavior and therefore the kid thinks he can get away with it because there is no punishment. I cannot get the mom to help, she thinks her kid hung the moon. And while I think my kid is a piece of delicious perfection given to me, I also know he is a kid. And human. And not without faults. I also know this kid threatens other kids. But until an adult catches him in the act he is free to roam around doing this. We decided a good course of action would be to put Tanner into Karate. I want him to build his self confidence enough to tell this kid to stuff it. I want also him to learn how to defend himself. Just in case. Bobby and I are at odds on how to handle this. I want Tanner to use his words and Bobby wants him to just punch him in the nose. I told Bobby he couldn't do that. This isn't 1983 where 2 boys going at it is "okay" and then when the boys are done they shake hands. There are laws against this now and parents sue for things like this. He has to use his words first and the other kid has to hit him first so that Tanner is acting in self defense. Crazy times but that is the way of it.
4. I was offered full time job at the school I have been volunteering at. These are kids who are on thier way out of the system. They don't care about anything anymore. Many of them have rap sheets and psychological profiles an inch thick. Some have kids already. I was so excited then realized I cannot find childcare for 5 days a week. What the school would pay me wouldn't even cover what the childcare would cost me. How do full time moms do it? I need an in house job that pays good so I won't need childcare. Where is the genie in the lamp when you need a wish?
5.This is the hard one. I think I lost a friend.I have pulled away from just about everything this past month. With all the changes on Bobby's schedule and then Tanners issues I just felt like the best thing for us was for me to focus on what happens within these four walls. This person took it as I was not wanting to be around her. Then Halloween happened. I got my picture taken by a different friend my kids and I had ran into while trick or treating and I was wearing Delilahs "Annie" wig. (A most atrocious wig. It looks like my hair was on fire). So we took a picture because it was funny. She saw this and immediately had a fit and "unfriended" us. Us, as in 10 of us. Anyone she thought was part of that "group". When I asked her why, she said it was a knee jerk reaction to seeing the picture. This conversation went on and on and back and forth. Bottom line is this, she is now playing the "victim". The victim to an imagined crime. I had to DEFEND my actions which just pisses me off that I felt the need to do that. Today I woke up and realized although she is also a neighbor, and it will be awkward at group things, it will only be awkward for her. She is the one who had the hissy fit of jealousy and she is the one who broke the connection.Now that I have written this all out I have to go try on my training bra and write my name and Bobby's in a little heart, because I feel like I am in middle school. Really? I am too old for this. Nothing was done TO her, TOWARDS her, ABOUT her, AROUND her. I feel especially bad for the friends we both have. And there are quite a few, now I am afraid she will make them "choose sides". If I am excluded from something because she doesn't want me there, then so be it. I am not holding anything against anyone. I know this person can make everyone feel uncomfortable when she doesn't get her way. She is an emotional bully. I don't even know if that is a real term, but it is exactly what is happening. Ridiculous.
6. Twitter. I had a friend post about this movement that was happening. A type of "Love myself" thing. There are women all over the country Taking pics of themselves in their bathing suits or more. Telling what they love about certain parts of their body. I have been rolling this idea around in my head since I read that. I do not think I am brave enough for the pictures. (Quite honestly I Don't know how to post more than one pic in a post.) I don't even know what to say. I feel like it would be very liberating to do this but then there is the anxiety ridden part of me who is worried that these pictures will come back to haunt me down the road. (There goes my political aspirations). I am still thinking on this and probably will for a while. But thinking on it is a step in the right direction.
I feel like I have purged enough for today. I am sure there is more, but it can keep.