I had a childhood friend lose her battle with breast cancer today. She leaves behind a husband and a daughter and her mom,dad and brother and everyone else whose lives she touched. She had almost a five year battle with this horrible disease. Off and on she battled. Her daughter is about the same age as my middle one. 5. Five years old and she has never known her mom to be totally healthy. She has seen her mother in hospitals,sick from chemo and radiation and with no hair. But this was her mother. Apparently her daughter kissed her goodbye and went to school while her mother was home and on pain meds trying to ease her way.
I am so saddened that this horrible disease has taken someone I knew, someone who is my age with a young child. If you do nothing else for the rest of the day please consider making a donation in her name to the Susan G. Koman foundation so no other babies have to lose their mamas.This is Jamie's website where she recorded her journey www.lovingpink.com get your tissues. She is very honest and very funny.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I started
I started running again. Just a little bit each time, but I am doing it. It's been about 3 weeks and I am feeling great. My knees feel good and when I am done, other than being hot pink in the face for 2 hours, I feel great. I am not having trouble breathing and everything is ticking along like it should. My new goal is to, by the end of April, be able to run a 5k in 32 minutes. I think I am pretty close.
I thought I would never run again because of my knees and the fear I had that running would just completely annihilate them. But one night I felt this urge to try. It spoke to me. I am beginning to think that it was my sanity with a cry for help. Last night I ran 2 miles,walked a half ran 2 more walked a half and felt like I might have 3 more in me. As my kids get older and Bobbys schedule gets crazier and crazier I need this. I need this like grass needs rain. It just feels good. I guess that is all that matters. I don't think I will be entering any races anytime soon. The physical therapist I had pretty much told me I would never run outside again without big consequences and I am okay with that. I might try running on the bike path because I heard it was a little more cushy than the street. Wish me luck! I feel good and my sanity is returning.
I thought I would never run again because of my knees and the fear I had that running would just completely annihilate them. But one night I felt this urge to try. It spoke to me. I am beginning to think that it was my sanity with a cry for help. Last night I ran 2 miles,walked a half ran 2 more walked a half and felt like I might have 3 more in me. As my kids get older and Bobbys schedule gets crazier and crazier I need this. I need this like grass needs rain. It just feels good. I guess that is all that matters. I don't think I will be entering any races anytime soon. The physical therapist I had pretty much told me I would never run outside again without big consequences and I am okay with that. I might try running on the bike path because I heard it was a little more cushy than the street. Wish me luck! I feel good and my sanity is returning.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
International Womans Day
Yesterday was International Women's Day and it got me to thinking, why do we need this day? Why is everyday not International Women's Day? As I started to read all the dialogs going on about this I kept thinking about it.Most of the blogs were about helping the women of Africa and other impoverished nations against all the atrocities happening to them. I totally agree. But why only one day a year are we bringing awareness to this? Why in the year 2011 are these things still happening to these women?
The other thing all the opinions I read on it were about how to empower women. I REALLY agree with this one. In fact if we all solve this one the other one might fall into place. I am all about women's power. I like to think that I stand up for all the sexist remarks I hear and never let anyone make one around me without knowing how ignorant and tacky they sound. Makes me sound like a feminist of the worst sort, but really aren't we all too far along in evolution and the times to still have these tired "jokes"? Women make up more than half of the worlds population. Which makes me wonder why we are still in the majority for anything?IF we all work together we can have anything we want in this world. Anything.
But instead I see the media playing us against each other.And we are falling for it. There are less women celebrating others accomplishments and more trying to stab each other in the back. Women are fiercely competitive always trying to be better, smarter,prettier, younger,thinner, and have (if you chose) the better partner. If you have any of these attributes then someone is always gunning for you. As a mom the competition increases in bad ways. Now moms are pitting their kids against each other. "My kid got his picture in the art contest. I saw your child's name was not on there, that's too bad." What are we teaching our kids by being like this? Are we teaching them that every individual is special? That every individual deserves recognition? No. We are teaching them that although they work hard that there is always someone out there that will be better and that is who we are going to celebrate.
I hate that this is the way people think.
I hate that the children are involved.
I hate that we as women are working against each other and not with or for each other.
When does it change? I know I am so proud of my friends for their accomplishments. And INCREDIBLY proud of my children for theirs. My perspective is this. Whatever your struggle, if you overcome it, you have my support. If your child accomplishes something that was difficult, great for them. I refuse to pit myself against someone else and I Definitely refuse to pit my kids against others.
I am not conceding this battle, but I am definitely going to change the rules.
The other thing all the opinions I read on it were about how to empower women. I REALLY agree with this one. In fact if we all solve this one the other one might fall into place. I am all about women's power. I like to think that I stand up for all the sexist remarks I hear and never let anyone make one around me without knowing how ignorant and tacky they sound. Makes me sound like a feminist of the worst sort, but really aren't we all too far along in evolution and the times to still have these tired "jokes"? Women make up more than half of the worlds population. Which makes me wonder why we are still in the majority for anything?IF we all work together we can have anything we want in this world. Anything.
But instead I see the media playing us against each other.And we are falling for it. There are less women celebrating others accomplishments and more trying to stab each other in the back. Women are fiercely competitive always trying to be better, smarter,prettier, younger,thinner, and have (if you chose) the better partner. If you have any of these attributes then someone is always gunning for you. As a mom the competition increases in bad ways. Now moms are pitting their kids against each other. "My kid got his picture in the art contest. I saw your child's name was not on there, that's too bad." What are we teaching our kids by being like this? Are we teaching them that every individual is special? That every individual deserves recognition? No. We are teaching them that although they work hard that there is always someone out there that will be better and that is who we are going to celebrate.
I hate that this is the way people think.
I hate that the children are involved.
I hate that we as women are working against each other and not with or for each other.
When does it change? I know I am so proud of my friends for their accomplishments. And INCREDIBLY proud of my children for theirs. My perspective is this. Whatever your struggle, if you overcome it, you have my support. If your child accomplishes something that was difficult, great for them. I refuse to pit myself against someone else and I Definitely refuse to pit my kids against others.
I am not conceding this battle, but I am definitely going to change the rules.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Education
I am going back to get my Masters degree because it is important for me to have in order to pursue a job once everyone is in school full time. I love that my kids see me doing this and I hope it teaches them one or two things.
1. That you are never too old to pursue your dreams.
2.And not to wait until you have 3 kids and a million other things going on to do it.
Pursueing this degree will be slow and tricky, if only from a scheduling stand point. What happens if my sitter gets sick, or a kid? What is going to happen when Bobby goes back to night shift and I have to pay the sitter more money bacause she is staying longer?I have to get an "A" to keep in the program. What happens if I bomb one class? Ahh the paranoia is closing in...
I will take it one day at a time as usual, but really...
The class I am taking now should just be called "my baby daddy is a screw up". I am floored everytime someone opens their mouth in that class. The teacher is very knowledgable about the subject but dresses and acts like she straight off the prison yard. Complete with Hand gestures. It is bizarre to watch her. Now she is making everyone do "presentations" on the chapters she assigned. She might chime in during the discussion part, which I wish she would more often, but the students are to ask questions about the section and discuss amongst themselves. Inevitably these discussions always become a therapy session for these 3 women who turn the discussion to.. babys daddys and how they have teenagers and how they are only 33 years old and how they got pregnant in high school. I am going to start charging a therapist fee. It is so much nicer when they are not there. Of course then I wonder what excuses they are giving the teacher that they are not there. Each class is so many points and if you aren't there for at least 80% of the classes you will drag down your grade by a letter. I hope this is the last class I have with them .
Other little tidbits of things I hear when it looks like I am not listening:
How the blond hair,blackrooted,cross-eyed lady who is pressing sexual harrassment charges against her sergeant. Really?
How there are only 5 males in the class. And only 2 of them speak up.
The teacher is a piece of work. She dresses ambigously.Talks abigously. But she brings us cookies.I don't eat them after everyone else touches them, but I think it is a nice gesture. And she also took away our 2 exams. Thank goodness because I am getting nothing from these "discussions" in class. There are no notes to be taken. The presentations are always fast and one girl I couldn't even understand. Too much teeth sucking.It is like I am in an alternate universe of higher learning. My OCD is twitching everytime I leave there with no conclusive answers or grades. This class will definitely ruin me for the future ones simply because it has low standards. I feel like I am being punked every Tuesday.
1. That you are never too old to pursue your dreams.
2.And not to wait until you have 3 kids and a million other things going on to do it.
Pursueing this degree will be slow and tricky, if only from a scheduling stand point. What happens if my sitter gets sick, or a kid? What is going to happen when Bobby goes back to night shift and I have to pay the sitter more money bacause she is staying longer?I have to get an "A" to keep in the program. What happens if I bomb one class? Ahh the paranoia is closing in...
I will take it one day at a time as usual, but really...
The class I am taking now should just be called "my baby daddy is a screw up". I am floored everytime someone opens their mouth in that class. The teacher is very knowledgable about the subject but dresses and acts like she straight off the prison yard. Complete with Hand gestures. It is bizarre to watch her. Now she is making everyone do "presentations" on the chapters she assigned. She might chime in during the discussion part, which I wish she would more often, but the students are to ask questions about the section and discuss amongst themselves. Inevitably these discussions always become a therapy session for these 3 women who turn the discussion to.. babys daddys and how they have teenagers and how they are only 33 years old and how they got pregnant in high school. I am going to start charging a therapist fee. It is so much nicer when they are not there. Of course then I wonder what excuses they are giving the teacher that they are not there. Each class is so many points and if you aren't there for at least 80% of the classes you will drag down your grade by a letter. I hope this is the last class I have with them .
Other little tidbits of things I hear when it looks like I am not listening:
How the blond hair,blackrooted,cross-eyed lady who is pressing sexual harrassment charges against her sergeant. Really?
How there are only 5 males in the class. And only 2 of them speak up.
The teacher is a piece of work. She dresses ambigously.Talks abigously. But she brings us cookies.I don't eat them after everyone else touches them, but I think it is a nice gesture. And she also took away our 2 exams. Thank goodness because I am getting nothing from these "discussions" in class. There are no notes to be taken. The presentations are always fast and one girl I couldn't even understand. Too much teeth sucking.It is like I am in an alternate universe of higher learning. My OCD is twitching everytime I leave there with no conclusive answers or grades. This class will definitely ruin me for the future ones simply because it has low standards. I feel like I am being punked every Tuesday.
Friday, February 25, 2011
I am...
This blog is a total rant.
I KNOW everyone grieves differently.
I KNOW that people cannot change what is inherently in their nature.
I KNOW that ranting about it won't change them.
I KNOW that I am no saint and shouldn't say anything,
BUT...
2 days ago a terrible thing occurred in our community. A little third grade girl passed away. Suddenly. There is no news yet as to what caused it, but the gist of the rumor mill is that she was sick, and her body had an aneurysm and then she was gone. And by sick I mean one of the myriad of things that happen to any of us. I feel horrible for this family (whom I did not know) and if I had the power to do so , I would bring back their little girl for them. It makes me tear up with the selfish hope that this NEVER happens to me. That being said this family needs to grieve in their private pain with those that knew them best.
What burns me up the most is I know, and you too,of a person who is part of the gossip mongers. She texted me late Wednesday night fishing for information, which I didn't get. I told her Thursday morning I,nor my son, knew this child, she didn't even know what grade she was in, and she then proceeded to wonder if the principal would say anything to the kids at school. I told her point blank that it was up to that poor girls parents as to what the principal could and couldn't say and that word of mouth was more hurtful. I never received another text from her. Later that day I heard she was bawling to all her students teachers and showing them all this child's photo. A child SHE DIDN'T KNOW. I will give her this, she did know the parents because 3 years ago they had their youngest in her preschool class and pulled her out because they didn't like her. So now she is boo-hooing all over the place, fishing for information from people about what happened.. What is the deal?
I don't think I have ever, EVER, met a more narcissistic,needy person in all my life. And that is saying a lot because I was in a sorority. She is purposely putting herself in this position to be in the middle of it all. To seem like she is a part of this whole travesty. I am sure by now she has come up with 15 different ways she has associated with this family so she should be involved.
She has no boundaries. None. I am sure in all her rationalizations she has become the victim as well. I can't help being upset for this family because of her embarrassing antics. they don't need this kind of person anywhere in their orbit. I am staying far away from it all. God bless this poor broken family and I hope they can find some healing in time to their significant loss.
But this other person. I hope she soon realizes she is being shunned from everyone and everything. Of course she will surely spin it so she is the victim.Again.
I KNOW everyone grieves differently.
I KNOW that people cannot change what is inherently in their nature.
I KNOW that ranting about it won't change them.
I KNOW that I am no saint and shouldn't say anything,
BUT...
2 days ago a terrible thing occurred in our community. A little third grade girl passed away. Suddenly. There is no news yet as to what caused it, but the gist of the rumor mill is that she was sick, and her body had an aneurysm and then she was gone. And by sick I mean one of the myriad of things that happen to any of us. I feel horrible for this family (whom I did not know) and if I had the power to do so , I would bring back their little girl for them. It makes me tear up with the selfish hope that this NEVER happens to me. That being said this family needs to grieve in their private pain with those that knew them best.
What burns me up the most is I know, and you too,of a person who is part of the gossip mongers. She texted me late Wednesday night fishing for information, which I didn't get. I told her Thursday morning I,nor my son, knew this child, she didn't even know what grade she was in, and she then proceeded to wonder if the principal would say anything to the kids at school. I told her point blank that it was up to that poor girls parents as to what the principal could and couldn't say and that word of mouth was more hurtful. I never received another text from her. Later that day I heard she was bawling to all her students teachers and showing them all this child's photo. A child SHE DIDN'T KNOW. I will give her this, she did know the parents because 3 years ago they had their youngest in her preschool class and pulled her out because they didn't like her. So now she is boo-hooing all over the place, fishing for information from people about what happened.. What is the deal?
I don't think I have ever, EVER, met a more narcissistic,needy person in all my life. And that is saying a lot because I was in a sorority. She is purposely putting herself in this position to be in the middle of it all. To seem like she is a part of this whole travesty. I am sure by now she has come up with 15 different ways she has associated with this family so she should be involved.
She has no boundaries. None. I am sure in all her rationalizations she has become the victim as well. I can't help being upset for this family because of her embarrassing antics. they don't need this kind of person anywhere in their orbit. I am staying far away from it all. God bless this poor broken family and I hope they can find some healing in time to their significant loss.
But this other person. I hope she soon realizes she is being shunned from everyone and everything. Of course she will surely spin it so she is the victim.Again.
Monday, February 14, 2011
I LOVE today
Today, to me, is not just a "Hallmark Holiday". Today is the best Holiday ALL YEAR LONG! Why?
1. There is no planning, traveling,togetherness,or others involvement (especially family) in today's activities. No one to dictate to you HOW you should do anything today based on their ridiculous expectations.
2.There is no traveling required (unless you want to).
3.Chocolate. If you don't have a Valentine, buy it for yourself! NO ONE is going to know. That is why they are called "Secret" admirers.
4.It can be as wild or as mellow as you want.
5. Did I mention no meddlesome family
6.It is a hit and get out holiday. No weeks of planning, no input from others..one day and its done. Voila'!
7.No expectations. All I ever want is a card, and he does so much better. Especially now the kids are aware of it and remind him.;)
8. This is the best one... Who doesn't love the sweetest handmade cards and crafts from little kids in school? I love love love opening their backpack and seeing all the adorable,pasted,cut, crooked,and drawn on little cards and hearts they make in class..THAT is why Valentines is my favorite!
1. There is no planning, traveling,togetherness,or others involvement (especially family) in today's activities. No one to dictate to you HOW you should do anything today based on their ridiculous expectations.
2.There is no traveling required (unless you want to).
3.Chocolate. If you don't have a Valentine, buy it for yourself! NO ONE is going to know. That is why they are called "Secret" admirers.
4.It can be as wild or as mellow as you want.
5. Did I mention no meddlesome family
6.It is a hit and get out holiday. No weeks of planning, no input from others..one day and its done. Voila'!
7.No expectations. All I ever want is a card, and he does so much better. Especially now the kids are aware of it and remind him.;)
8. This is the best one... Who doesn't love the sweetest handmade cards and crafts from little kids in school? I love love love opening their backpack and seeing all the adorable,pasted,cut, crooked,and drawn on little cards and hearts they make in class..THAT is why Valentines is my favorite!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This morning
This morning was not the lazy late start Wednesday that I had wanted. Oh no... This Wednesday was as follows, (and it is only noon.)
Wake up at 4a.m. hearing my husbands' shrill whistle for the dog right outside my bedroom window. Then the garage door slams and I hear him muttering choice words about the dog he is going to just "leave out there if she isn't going to listen". I told him it was his fault for taking her out there and if he was so worried about missing work he shouldn't have taken her out there to begin with. He left for work in a huff and I easily got the dog back in and put back in her kennel. At 4 a.m. Now I'm awake.
I then played solitaire for an hour until my eyes grew tired, last time I looked at the clock in was 5 a.m. Seven o'clock rolls around and I remember in order for all of us to get out the door this morning the following needs to be done. Everyone needs to get dressed, Tanner has to wear all black. Let the clothing battles begin. Then for Tuckers class I needed to wash and chop into bite sized pieces celery. How much? Who knows,so I chopped it all. Tanners class I had to provide danish, fruit, bagels and cream cheese for his poetry reading. She sent home a list yesterday and the few items that were written down were from me and about 7 other mothers. I get there today and there was 3 of everything. I got there late, my stuff was unopened so I took it home. Was that wrong? No..I don't care. I took it anyway. Then back to frick and fracks preschool where I was a mystery reader to assuage my guilt about backing out of being a classroom helper tomorrow because my hair appointment changed.
Now that I am sitting at home, I can look around and see all the things that need to be taken care of, floors need to be swept, dishes unloaded, rooms cleaned up, bathrooms straightened. This is crazy. I would rather sit and read or play on the computer until I have to get Tanner and another dash to Karate for 2 hours is in order. I have nothing planned for dinner, and again don't care. Quite honestly they can eat the leftover danish. If breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day and danish is a breakfast food...I think I am going to be okay.
The lesson learned here is never, NEVER schedule so many early morning deadlines all on the same day.
Wake up at 4a.m. hearing my husbands' shrill whistle for the dog right outside my bedroom window. Then the garage door slams and I hear him muttering choice words about the dog he is going to just "leave out there if she isn't going to listen". I told him it was his fault for taking her out there and if he was so worried about missing work he shouldn't have taken her out there to begin with. He left for work in a huff and I easily got the dog back in and put back in her kennel. At 4 a.m. Now I'm awake.
I then played solitaire for an hour until my eyes grew tired, last time I looked at the clock in was 5 a.m. Seven o'clock rolls around and I remember in order for all of us to get out the door this morning the following needs to be done. Everyone needs to get dressed, Tanner has to wear all black. Let the clothing battles begin. Then for Tuckers class I needed to wash and chop into bite sized pieces celery. How much? Who knows,so I chopped it all. Tanners class I had to provide danish, fruit, bagels and cream cheese for his poetry reading. She sent home a list yesterday and the few items that were written down were from me and about 7 other mothers. I get there today and there was 3 of everything. I got there late, my stuff was unopened so I took it home. Was that wrong? No..I don't care. I took it anyway. Then back to frick and fracks preschool where I was a mystery reader to assuage my guilt about backing out of being a classroom helper tomorrow because my hair appointment changed.
Now that I am sitting at home, I can look around and see all the things that need to be taken care of, floors need to be swept, dishes unloaded, rooms cleaned up, bathrooms straightened. This is crazy. I would rather sit and read or play on the computer until I have to get Tanner and another dash to Karate for 2 hours is in order. I have nothing planned for dinner, and again don't care. Quite honestly they can eat the leftover danish. If breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day and danish is a breakfast food...I think I am going to be okay.
The lesson learned here is never, NEVER schedule so many early morning deadlines all on the same day.
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