To camp or not to camp

Ever seen the movie "Meatballs"? Every time I think of kids in a sleep away camp this is what I think of. I know there are some really nice camps out there, the girls I nannied for in New Jersey went every year until college and they were just fine. I guess because we are contemplating it for my oldest that I am starting to think twice about it. Truly it would be a great experience. He would get to do things that he never would here. He would be in a bunk with other kids his age with a counselor. No little brother, no little sister, no mama, and no daddy. He doesn't play sports so he is out some friends most of the spring. This would give him some room to be HIM. Maybe to mature a little. I am just afraid if I am not there to protect him EVERY minute that he will get hurt. Hmmm. I think I have just described myself as a helicopter mom...always hovering. Okay! That's it! He's going! Oh my...

My obsession

I am a voracious reader. I love to read..anything. I love being back in college and reading the books they assign. Even if I don't get it at the time, I enjoy it. I was gifted a Kindle for my birthday last year and LOVE it. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. If books are a drug this a crack pipe. Just a quicker way to get me a BOOK! Ha! I am not too choosy, if it appeals to me I give it a shot. This Kindle has changed my view of books though. I used to judge a book by its cover, literally. If I didn't like the cover art, I wouldn't read it. My philosophy was, if the art couldn't inspire me to WANT to read it, then there was no way I would be able to trudge through it. On the Kindle you cannot see the cover art too clearly and its not in color. So I have been branching out from my safety zone of favorite authors and trying new things. I was laughing at my selection the other night it's either all romances of some variety or health books. Quite a difference but good for me. I enjoy reading the heavier stuff like the health books, but the romances and mysteries I enjoy are purely brain candy. Something to let my mind wander after a long day. Some people watch sitcom after sitcom. Some people play video games. I read. It relaxes me. The books I have going right now from my nightstand to my Kindle are:
The Runners Diet by Madelyn H. Fernstorm, PhD, CNS
The China Study by T.Colin Campbell PhD
Dual Diagnoses by Katie Evans and J.Michael Sullivan
Treating Addicted Survivors of Trauma by Katie Evans and J. Michael Sullivan
The complete Idiots Guide to Positive Dog Training
The complete Idiots Guide to Puppies
Getting Real about Running By Gordon Bakoulis
When Everything Changed by Gail Collins
The Emotional Eaters Book By Debbie Danowski
Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels

Sadly I have a little going out of each one. I tend to finish the romances rather quickly so I have to watch those.Shameful I know. Yet another dirty little secret. I just like to have MORE. More information, more results, more time to figure it all out! I have figured out that I cannot read the books that make me sob. Anything Nicholas sparks (the covers bore me) and I really enjoyed 2 of Alice Sebolds books, but dry eyes are not even an option for those. If you do NOT cry while reading The Lovely Bones or her book Lucky, you must not have tear ducts.
My love of reading is such I don't understand people who DON'T read. How can you not want to sit down and pick up a book? NOW the world of blogs has opened up more ways for me to read. It's like being in the book "Griffin and Sabine" Love it!

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I feel this has been such a long week. Last week was a mental and physical struggle with sick kids and snow days. But this week just as I thought I got my feet under me again I was told my grandmother passed away. She was old (in her 90's) and had been frail for some time. I guess its just the thought that she lasted through so much that maybe her body was tired. She was a farm wife, had 4 kids, 5 grand kids and 3 great-grand kids. She survived breast cancer, the loss of her husband and other family member and friends. I didn't get to see her often but she was a constant I always knew she was there. I am unable to go the funeral because of the weather and its unpredictability. She was a quiet person but with a sharp sense of humor. She loved all of us kids and loved to hear stories and see pictures of what everyone was up to. Three of her kids scattered to the winds when they started their own families and all of her grand kids did too. I hope she knew how much we all loved her even if we couldn't see her all the time. She will be missed very much.

Channeling Mae West

Valentines was a bit crazy around here this year. Crazy started out on Tuesday when the first child got a stomach bug and then we all got a stomach bug by Thursday. On top of that we had 2 days called off school for snow days. Bobby ended up having to work Saturday and Sunday so for me to Valentine shop for the kids was impossible. I told them this year I would let them pick their own because of this. I already had an idea of the little somethings I was going to get for them. I don't give the kids a lot of candy so I usually get them a little something instead. The boys picked out Lego sets and Delilah wanted a Daisy Duck plush to go with her Minnie Mouse plush that Santa brought her. She has been talking for a month now how Minnie needed a friend. So off to the Disney store we went. Man, did they see us coming. The big sign in the window said "BUY ONE PLUSH GET ONE FREE!!" Ooooooo-kay. So now we are the proud owner of Minnie, Daisy AND Mickey. When she went to bed Saturday night we have them all tucked in next to her, she now barely fits herself, and she turns over to Mickey who is next to her and says, "Hey big boy.You are my big boy. Lay right here big boy."I was laughing so hard. I went down stairs and told Bobby that maybe we should have only gotten her girl dolls for right now.

Accountability

I bought a scale. Finally broke down and bought one. Not just any old scale, but one that tells you your BMI. As if I truly need something else to worry over. I wish I could just let it go and say what will be will be. But I cannot let it go. Turns out I haven't lost any weight since my big dietary/exercise change at the beginning of January. I.Have.Not.Lost.Any.Weight. Argh!!! Okay deep breath... It will all work out I am sure.
The only thing worse than NO weight loss(right now, I know there are worse things in the world) is a sick kid. Not just "got a cold sick" but "puking/diarrhea sick". It seems so unfair that little ones get this. They cannot control themselves and they feel so bad and there is literally NOTHING I can do except Try to keep them more comfortable while they feel bad. Only one bad thought through my head the whole night awake with Tucker and it was... I hope the others don't get it so I can go out for Valentines on Saturday. A horrible mom thought because I know they will get it. The odds are too high, I just want them to get it when it is convenient for me. And another thing, why does it only hit at night? Why can't they be puking and such all day and sleep all night?Tucker is asleep right now and was up and down all night. seems more unfair by the minute. Poor kid.. Breaks y heart to see them feeling bad. It is a snow day, again for all of them, and Tanner cannot even have friends over to play or go anywhere because of his sick brother.Poor kids. What a rotten turn of events for their day. I hope they can make it to school tomorrow for their Valentines parties.Where is spring? We really need it here at out house!Fresh air!Green Grass! Windows open!

Wingin' it..

The downward spiral is almost done. After the home party I had we had all these leftovers. Appetizers. Fabulous. I shouldn't let anything go to waste so I kept them. Now I am eating them. Seriously. Dipping the celery into a salsa/taco dip is definitely not on ANY diet plan that has ever existed. I looked. My nutrition has turned into a joke. As of Monday it is back to all seriousness. The stress overload that I will call "January" is over. It is officially February. Time to move on. There is plenty to anticipate about this month. I have decided to set some little goals for my self to keep going, and to congratulate myself for the goals that I was able to stick to.
Congratulations goes to.. only having 3 diet cokes the whole month. Momentous. Congratulations to running 5 miles at one time. Also making it through the actual stress times and sticking to my better eating, congratulations again.( It was just the aftermath where the slide began.)
Now the goals:
Back to eating LOW LOW salt and adding LOW carbs to that too.
Also back to running everyday.By the end of the month I want to be able to do 8 miles at once. So these are my goals for February. I think they are doable. Now to do it.
I am trying to get settled with this class I am taking. This teacher is hard to get. She gives us notes and they have no order. The books from 1st to 2ND edition appear to be radically different. She is referring to things in the book and giving no references as to where she found them.She is quoting people and theory's that I cannot find in this book. I am lost. L.O.S.T. lost.I feel like yelling at her. Of course that would never do because SHE is the professor.La-ti-da. So off to Boarders I go to try and find the books and their differences, for a class on addictions, it is dangerously close to giving me one.

And the beat goes on..

This has been a rough week in the progress of my training and revamping of bad habits. ALL month I have done so well, eating better, exercising more, less stress. Then This past week through everything for a loop. My knee went bad and I haven't ran in a week. A.Week. I feel lazy and slovenly and fat and lumpy. All from one week. I am trying to imagine myself a year ago being this distraught about not being able to run or train, and I cannot even imagine it. But I am really bothered by this. This is a week when I could have definitely benefited from running away my demons. I applied for Graduate school this week and have been staying up late working on the application and trying like hell to get the 2 references from every college I attended( there are 4 total) and 3 references together. I have stayed up late every night trying to make it sound half way intelligent to get it in by the deadline.I have agreed It host an "at home" party , which will be fun, but still,preparing for it is just one more thing..BIG SIGH.. Bobby had actually interveiwed with the New Jersey plant so of course there went a few sleepless nights for me.Then to top it off I went out for a girls night out on Saturday and had 2 cigarettes. ALL the next day I felt nauseous and slow. blech..truly, never again. Clearly staying too long in a smokey bar in Indiana is too hard for me to not smoke.Thanks to all this stress the tenderness in my chest has come back. Just like it was 2 months ago. Lets go over the important lessons:
1.Bad Knees+ no exercise=frumpy dumpy Amanda
2.Never wait till the week before something HUGE is due to find out
a.it's due
b.how involved it is.
3.The calendar is my friend. Mark everything down, even if I think it's not a big thing,so I don't over plan a couple of weeks.
My pride hurts the worst on this one, as I love to be organised.
4. The full moon last week is to blame for it all.

I have been chanting "tomorrow is another day, tomorrow is another day." I am beginning to feel like Scarlett O'Hara.