The numbers that have been crowding me lately are starting to take on a life of their own in my head. Some are even repeating themselves and not in a good way! I am consumed with how many or how much in my day to day routine something is happening and I have been letting it weigh me down.
29 is the amount of points I have with Weight Watchers. I am going to fail this for a few weeks as not only am I a picky eater I am mad that things that should be easy are hard. Boo to milk products having so many carbs.
0-times I have checked Facebook in 48 hours. Why? Becuase I took off my account for a few days. I feel like I have changed that 0 from a billion. I didn't even care what I saw on there. I didn't go person to persons page, I just liked looking at the news feed. Stupid, right? I was just using it for a distraction from what NEEDED to be done. *sigh*
2-weeks that my oldest has been suffering from a horrible ear ...something. The Dr. cannot even tell what kind of infection it is because of all the pus coming out of it. Gross. Poor kid was running a fever and dripping out of his ears and the D.r couldn't even tell what was wrong.
2 is also for how many times in one week with the same kid I was at the Dr.'s because the antibiotic originally given was not working. I think there is nothing worse than having a sick kid and not being able to just make it all better when you are a parent. This feeling totally sucks.
25 is the number of classes I need to take in a 3 year time frame to finish my masters in this one program. I cannot do it. The weight of not being able to finish my masters is bogging down my mind. I feel alternately stupid and disapointed. Stupid for thinking I could do it and disapointed that no matter how I try and finagle it, it is just not going to happen.
6 is the amount of times I was up in the middle of the night the first night Tanner was sick. It was like having a newborn again. Needy and crying..Which brings me to
2. 2 friends had healthy babies within the same month. I have held both and want more of my own. Until the previous statement I was trying to figure out how to untie both myself and Bobby without him knowing it. I would have called it "divine intervention". It would have been great to see his face.
0- is the number of times I have left this house child free and come back with them all asleep in the last 3 months. I am getting to a new level of desperate. I have found myself snapping and being more short tempered than I have been in months. It is not fair to them or me. I need a break. One where when I come home and there is no dishes to be done,floors to be picked up, or laundry to be folded. I feel bad even saying this because I haven't left becuase Bobby has worked just about every weekend since July. The ones he doesn't well, we just chill. It is nice to see him with the kids and the kids all over him. Daddy has lately become a novelty and that is sad. But I know he is doing it with all of our best interests at heart.
4 is the number of times I have emailed or talked to the principal in the first 3 weeks of the school year about Tanner. Lord I need a plan. He is not bad but there have been some things going on and being stubborn is not helping his cause. I told her to use duct tape liberally. The principal just laughed, but I was serious.
14 is the number of times in two weeks I have felt or did cry. Ridiculous. You would think I was pregnant with the way I feel my hormones are spinning around. I am definitely getting tested for menapause.
1 is the number of my friend who is having a hard time concieving even one kid. I told her I had a spare uterus and eggs. She is welcome to both. I have even already warned Bobby that if her insurence covers it then I would absolutely either give her my eggs or carry a kid for her. She deserves to be a mommy. He shrugged. Bobby always has done better with absolutes than maybes and what-if's.
36 is the number of years old I will be this week. I am not sure how I feel about this. Again with the crying. geesh.
And My Favorite Number
1. 1 is the length of the year it has been since I smoked or drank. I definitely feel better about myself fresher and actually thinner becuase I lost weight from it. Now if I could have the same kind of willpower for sweets. *sigh* that would be perfect.
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