This blog is a total rant.
I KNOW everyone grieves differently.
I KNOW that people cannot change what is inherently in their nature.
I KNOW that ranting about it won't change them.
I KNOW that I am no saint and shouldn't say anything,
BUT...
2 days ago a terrible thing occurred in our community. A little third grade girl passed away. Suddenly. There is no news yet as to what caused it, but the gist of the rumor mill is that she was sick, and her body had an aneurysm and then she was gone. And by sick I mean one of the myriad of things that happen to any of us. I feel horrible for this family (whom I did not know) and if I had the power to do so , I would bring back their little girl for them. It makes me tear up with the selfish hope that this NEVER happens to me. That being said this family needs to grieve in their private pain with those that knew them best.
What burns me up the most is I know, and you too,of a person who is part of the gossip mongers. She texted me late Wednesday night fishing for information, which I didn't get. I told her Thursday morning I,nor my son, knew this child, she didn't even know what grade she was in, and she then proceeded to wonder if the principal would say anything to the kids at school. I told her point blank that it was up to that poor girls parents as to what the principal could and couldn't say and that word of mouth was more hurtful. I never received another text from her. Later that day I heard she was bawling to all her students teachers and showing them all this child's photo. A child SHE DIDN'T KNOW. I will give her this, she did know the parents because 3 years ago they had their youngest in her preschool class and pulled her out because they didn't like her. So now she is boo-hooing all over the place, fishing for information from people about what happened.. What is the deal?
I don't think I have ever, EVER, met a more narcissistic,needy person in all my life. And that is saying a lot because I was in a sorority. She is purposely putting herself in this position to be in the middle of it all. To seem like she is a part of this whole travesty. I am sure by now she has come up with 15 different ways she has associated with this family so she should be involved.
She has no boundaries. None. I am sure in all her rationalizations she has become the victim as well. I can't help being upset for this family because of her embarrassing antics. they don't need this kind of person anywhere in their orbit. I am staying far away from it all. God bless this poor broken family and I hope they can find some healing in time to their significant loss.
But this other person. I hope she soon realizes she is being shunned from everyone and everything. Of course she will surely spin it so she is the victim.Again.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
I LOVE today
Today, to me, is not just a "Hallmark Holiday". Today is the best Holiday ALL YEAR LONG! Why?
1. There is no planning, traveling,togetherness,or others involvement (especially family) in today's activities. No one to dictate to you HOW you should do anything today based on their ridiculous expectations.
2.There is no traveling required (unless you want to).
3.Chocolate. If you don't have a Valentine, buy it for yourself! NO ONE is going to know. That is why they are called "Secret" admirers.
4.It can be as wild or as mellow as you want.
5. Did I mention no meddlesome family
6.It is a hit and get out holiday. No weeks of planning, no input from others..one day and its done. Voila'!
7.No expectations. All I ever want is a card, and he does so much better. Especially now the kids are aware of it and remind him.;)
8. This is the best one... Who doesn't love the sweetest handmade cards and crafts from little kids in school? I love love love opening their backpack and seeing all the adorable,pasted,cut, crooked,and drawn on little cards and hearts they make in class..THAT is why Valentines is my favorite!
1. There is no planning, traveling,togetherness,or others involvement (especially family) in today's activities. No one to dictate to you HOW you should do anything today based on their ridiculous expectations.
2.There is no traveling required (unless you want to).
3.Chocolate. If you don't have a Valentine, buy it for yourself! NO ONE is going to know. That is why they are called "Secret" admirers.
4.It can be as wild or as mellow as you want.
5. Did I mention no meddlesome family
6.It is a hit and get out holiday. No weeks of planning, no input from others..one day and its done. Voila'!
7.No expectations. All I ever want is a card, and he does so much better. Especially now the kids are aware of it and remind him.;)
8. This is the best one... Who doesn't love the sweetest handmade cards and crafts from little kids in school? I love love love opening their backpack and seeing all the adorable,pasted,cut, crooked,and drawn on little cards and hearts they make in class..THAT is why Valentines is my favorite!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This morning
This morning was not the lazy late start Wednesday that I had wanted. Oh no... This Wednesday was as follows, (and it is only noon.)
Wake up at 4a.m. hearing my husbands' shrill whistle for the dog right outside my bedroom window. Then the garage door slams and I hear him muttering choice words about the dog he is going to just "leave out there if she isn't going to listen". I told him it was his fault for taking her out there and if he was so worried about missing work he shouldn't have taken her out there to begin with. He left for work in a huff and I easily got the dog back in and put back in her kennel. At 4 a.m. Now I'm awake.
I then played solitaire for an hour until my eyes grew tired, last time I looked at the clock in was 5 a.m. Seven o'clock rolls around and I remember in order for all of us to get out the door this morning the following needs to be done. Everyone needs to get dressed, Tanner has to wear all black. Let the clothing battles begin. Then for Tuckers class I needed to wash and chop into bite sized pieces celery. How much? Who knows,so I chopped it all. Tanners class I had to provide danish, fruit, bagels and cream cheese for his poetry reading. She sent home a list yesterday and the few items that were written down were from me and about 7 other mothers. I get there today and there was 3 of everything. I got there late, my stuff was unopened so I took it home. Was that wrong? No..I don't care. I took it anyway. Then back to frick and fracks preschool where I was a mystery reader to assuage my guilt about backing out of being a classroom helper tomorrow because my hair appointment changed.
Now that I am sitting at home, I can look around and see all the things that need to be taken care of, floors need to be swept, dishes unloaded, rooms cleaned up, bathrooms straightened. This is crazy. I would rather sit and read or play on the computer until I have to get Tanner and another dash to Karate for 2 hours is in order. I have nothing planned for dinner, and again don't care. Quite honestly they can eat the leftover danish. If breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day and danish is a breakfast food...I think I am going to be okay.
The lesson learned here is never, NEVER schedule so many early morning deadlines all on the same day.
Wake up at 4a.m. hearing my husbands' shrill whistle for the dog right outside my bedroom window. Then the garage door slams and I hear him muttering choice words about the dog he is going to just "leave out there if she isn't going to listen". I told him it was his fault for taking her out there and if he was so worried about missing work he shouldn't have taken her out there to begin with. He left for work in a huff and I easily got the dog back in and put back in her kennel. At 4 a.m. Now I'm awake.
I then played solitaire for an hour until my eyes grew tired, last time I looked at the clock in was 5 a.m. Seven o'clock rolls around and I remember in order for all of us to get out the door this morning the following needs to be done. Everyone needs to get dressed, Tanner has to wear all black. Let the clothing battles begin. Then for Tuckers class I needed to wash and chop into bite sized pieces celery. How much? Who knows,so I chopped it all. Tanners class I had to provide danish, fruit, bagels and cream cheese for his poetry reading. She sent home a list yesterday and the few items that were written down were from me and about 7 other mothers. I get there today and there was 3 of everything. I got there late, my stuff was unopened so I took it home. Was that wrong? No..I don't care. I took it anyway. Then back to frick and fracks preschool where I was a mystery reader to assuage my guilt about backing out of being a classroom helper tomorrow because my hair appointment changed.
Now that I am sitting at home, I can look around and see all the things that need to be taken care of, floors need to be swept, dishes unloaded, rooms cleaned up, bathrooms straightened. This is crazy. I would rather sit and read or play on the computer until I have to get Tanner and another dash to Karate for 2 hours is in order. I have nothing planned for dinner, and again don't care. Quite honestly they can eat the leftover danish. If breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day and danish is a breakfast food...I think I am going to be okay.
The lesson learned here is never, NEVER schedule so many early morning deadlines all on the same day.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Field Trip
I really enjoy spending time in the classrooms of my kids. Especially my five year old. It is a lot of fun to see them in action and witness how involved they are in their day. This particular classroom is always busy. The kids never stop learning and moving. My kids come home from preschool exhausted. But there are a few things that I would change about each of the classrooms that my kids are in. And the biggest one would be field trips.
Field trips are a necessary evil I know, but I am worn out! My oldest does not have too many anymore. Just one or two a year but they are so expensive! They go to fun but educational places that the kids seem to enjoy. They are taken there on a bus and brought back on a bus. They always end up going somewhere I would never think to bring them myself so that is a nice touch. But the Preschoolers...
They have,it seems, at least one field trip a month. At least. They usually pick somewhere that the kids would like and some of them are free, but some aren't. And those are the ones that kill me. From the moment school begins I feel like I am nickel and dimed to death by these schools. First they need supplies like Kleenex and cleaner etc.. Then they have events to pay for and fundraisers I have to buy the stuff for.
The worst part is that they hype the kids up for weeks about going to the field trip in the classroom and then I have to be the one who breaks their heart saying we can't go. It just isn't right.
For instance the next field trip is in February for the 5 year old. The 4 year olds class is not going. The field trip is 30 minutes away and starts at 10:15. The 4 year olds class ends at 11:30. Do the math. I am supposed to be at the field trip for 45 minutes after He has been told he will have lunch there and stay a couple of hours? The sheet says "no siblings" . Why not? Wouldn't that just be more money in the destinations pocket if we could? More screwed up logic. I flat out told the teachers that I had no choice as my youngest would need to be picked up either she could come or we couldn't come at all. I felt bad, I certainly don't want to be "that" mom. the mom who thinks that she is entitled to make that demand, but I am stuck. And if they say no? Then Tucker would be devastated since they have been talking about going . The teachers okayed it. But I still feel bad. Then there is the fact I have to add another $10 to the trip. Because they are going at lunch time And I cannot NOT feed my kids and the place ingeniously demands you do not bring ANY outside food or drink. Of course not. Less money for them. Crazy. Why couldn't the younger class go at the same time? ARGH!!! More parental frustration.
Field trips are a necessary evil I know, but I am worn out! My oldest does not have too many anymore. Just one or two a year but they are so expensive! They go to fun but educational places that the kids seem to enjoy. They are taken there on a bus and brought back on a bus. They always end up going somewhere I would never think to bring them myself so that is a nice touch. But the Preschoolers...
They have,it seems, at least one field trip a month. At least. They usually pick somewhere that the kids would like and some of them are free, but some aren't. And those are the ones that kill me. From the moment school begins I feel like I am nickel and dimed to death by these schools. First they need supplies like Kleenex and cleaner etc.. Then they have events to pay for and fundraisers I have to buy the stuff for.
The worst part is that they hype the kids up for weeks about going to the field trip in the classroom and then I have to be the one who breaks their heart saying we can't go. It just isn't right.
For instance the next field trip is in February for the 5 year old. The 4 year olds class is not going. The field trip is 30 minutes away and starts at 10:15. The 4 year olds class ends at 11:30. Do the math. I am supposed to be at the field trip for 45 minutes after He has been told he will have lunch there and stay a couple of hours? The sheet says "no siblings" . Why not? Wouldn't that just be more money in the destinations pocket if we could? More screwed up logic. I flat out told the teachers that I had no choice as my youngest would need to be picked up either she could come or we couldn't come at all. I felt bad, I certainly don't want to be "that" mom. the mom who thinks that she is entitled to make that demand, but I am stuck. And if they say no? Then Tucker would be devastated since they have been talking about going . The teachers okayed it. But I still feel bad. Then there is the fact I have to add another $10 to the trip. Because they are going at lunch time And I cannot NOT feed my kids and the place ingeniously demands you do not bring ANY outside food or drink. Of course not. Less money for them. Crazy. Why couldn't the younger class go at the same time? ARGH!!! More parental frustration.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dear Jenny and What-his-name,
I have been sucked into this show called "Raising Sextuplets" on the WE network. I have never seen two people more ignorant surrounded by such a negative support system. The gist of the show is that this husband and wife had sextuplets and lived in Arizona surrounded by his parents. And hers lived only 3 hours away. The sextuplets parents decided to move to Florida to start their own life away from all the interference of their parents. His parents were nothing but negative and his dad,several times, announced how they would fail and move back to Arizona within 2 years. Her parents were just a little more supportive than that.
The kids keep saying how they want it to be the 8 of them to strengthen their family unit and kept repeating how happy they were to have had all the support that they did for the 2 years. But they wanted to do it on their own.
His mother went so far to berate him for what he was doing to the kids taking them so far away. He kept repeating his stance on why they were doing it and telling her he was sorry that she was hurting so bad. His father kept making scoffing noises about every choice that he made.
When they got to the house the couple started fighting about furniture placement and petty stuff. Mostly because they were so stressed out from the 4 day trip across the U.S. Then all their parents jumped in with options and then it got ugly.
Here is my letter to Jenny and her immature husband
Dear parents,
Your poor planning, flawed execution of a simple plan, and bad management of a good reason have resulted in you having a hard time with something Billions of Americans do everyday. You didn't double check your job status, which is him starting his own "business" and she took a huge pay cut to take a job that all of a sudden doesn't start for another month. You have been living with mommy and daddy to help you and are incredibly absent with common sense for your kids. Idiot Husband- you are emotionally immature, you sound like you bat for the other team, and you are verbally abusive. You are in desperate need of anger management. Telling your wife,"Don't be like Kate, you are emasculating me" just shows how emotionally ill prepared you are to be married with 6 kids. And BTW, you can't emasculate what was never there. You are incapable of fixing anything or following through on your end of any of the bargains you have struck with your wife. If my husband had talked to me like you talk to your wife, he would be sporting a flat head from where I had smacked him with a frying pan. Everything that comes out of your mouth is ridiculous. Shut. Up. I am wondering how many episodes it will take before you buckle under the pressure and move home divorced and ashamed. I have to say that maybe if your parents had been more enthusiastic to your faces and supportive all around then you might have had a better chance of making it. I am betting that by Fourth of July when you have been living on credit and the house is being repossessed, that the lawyers will be knocking on your door ready for you to sign the divorce papers. Who on the WE network thought that this would be a good idea? Are they trying to take up where the Goslins left off? They should be financially responsible for these people when they fail.I am really sorry for your luck.
The kids keep saying how they want it to be the 8 of them to strengthen their family unit and kept repeating how happy they were to have had all the support that they did for the 2 years. But they wanted to do it on their own.
His mother went so far to berate him for what he was doing to the kids taking them so far away. He kept repeating his stance on why they were doing it and telling her he was sorry that she was hurting so bad. His father kept making scoffing noises about every choice that he made.
When they got to the house the couple started fighting about furniture placement and petty stuff. Mostly because they were so stressed out from the 4 day trip across the U.S. Then all their parents jumped in with options and then it got ugly.
Here is my letter to Jenny and her immature husband
Dear parents,
Your poor planning, flawed execution of a simple plan, and bad management of a good reason have resulted in you having a hard time with something Billions of Americans do everyday. You didn't double check your job status, which is him starting his own "business" and she took a huge pay cut to take a job that all of a sudden doesn't start for another month. You have been living with mommy and daddy to help you and are incredibly absent with common sense for your kids. Idiot Husband- you are emotionally immature, you sound like you bat for the other team, and you are verbally abusive. You are in desperate need of anger management. Telling your wife,"Don't be like Kate, you are emasculating me" just shows how emotionally ill prepared you are to be married with 6 kids. And BTW, you can't emasculate what was never there. You are incapable of fixing anything or following through on your end of any of the bargains you have struck with your wife. If my husband had talked to me like you talk to your wife, he would be sporting a flat head from where I had smacked him with a frying pan. Everything that comes out of your mouth is ridiculous. Shut. Up. I am wondering how many episodes it will take before you buckle under the pressure and move home divorced and ashamed. I have to say that maybe if your parents had been more enthusiastic to your faces and supportive all around then you might have had a better chance of making it. I am betting that by Fourth of July when you have been living on credit and the house is being repossessed, that the lawyers will be knocking on your door ready for you to sign the divorce papers. Who on the WE network thought that this would be a good idea? Are they trying to take up where the Goslins left off? They should be financially responsible for these people when they fail.I am really sorry for your luck.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Frustration..
In the last year I have had 3 mammograms. Three. All because the Dr. kept finding lumps. The first mammogram was interesting. Since I had no idea what to expect I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't the mashing that other women had described it as. Or, maybe I was in so much pain on a daily basis that the smashing was mild in comparison. The Radiologist,or "breast specialist", told me they were fluid filled cysts. She then proceeded to tell me that if I changed my diet and my lifestyle that they would probably go away. Her suggestions were:
No drinking
No smoking
No caffeine
As little salt as possible
Eat lots of Flax seed so the water retention would be less
And my favorite, less stress.
Now I did less drinking, gave up smoking, paid WAY more attention to the salt intake(have you ever read a label for soup? WOW! ) Bought some Flax seed,un-ground,ate it in my oatmeal,but the stress...In order to lessen my stress I would need a whole dfferent life. I even cut out caffeine, for a day, then I decided after a bad headache that I would wean myself off of it slowly. Well the first of the year came around and I was drinking and smoking like normal and back to caffeine whenever.
And my breasts still hurt.
So I decided to crack down and do it for real. My caffeine is all before noon . My coffee is 1-2 cups in the morning and it is the half-caffeine. Sometimes I have a diet coke,but again, before noon. I gave up smoking and drinking,again. No red meat, still keeping an eye on the salt intake, and trying to lessen the stress.
And I started to feel better.
Then I stopped. I had hurt both of my knees and had a stress fracture, so I was now unable to run or even walk fast to alleviate what stress I could. Slowly I started to slip into the bad habits again. In June I went back to my Dr. because the pain was so bad I just knew they had gotten worse. I was right, she felt more. So back for another mammogram I went. I chose a different place because the last Dr. was all holistic.I had also been reading on the Internet about the cysts (Never, NEVER, do that.)And I thought a different place would give me a different answer.
Nope, same thing. Cysts. So the Dr. there said the same thing. After much over -thinking on this I went to see my GP Dr. I was now having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night and day. I couldn't focus for all the ruminating I was doing about these lumps! I just couldn't live like this. So the Dr. agreed and he prescibed a daily medicine for the anxiety. It took about a month but it began to work. Thank god. In the meantime, some things around the house came to a head and that is when I took care of the other stress issues. I began to section myself off from everyone while I took back control of my life. I grappled with a few things but quickly realized that I couldn't drink anymore. It just made me feel like such wasteland the next day. Even if I only had one beer. Since I wasn't drinking the smoking was easy to stop. I went back to my previous caffeine schedule and a few weeks later I noticed there was no pain. NO PAIN! A revelation, the hippie holistic Dr. was right. Until Christmas. I have had more pain in the past month because of all the stress. It built up and up and up until I almost had to scream every night. It.Totally.Sucked.
I went back for my annual exam at the Dr.s and she found more lumps and on both sides. It was getting worse. For all my hard work and the damn things were growing and expanding. So she ordered ANOTHER mammogram. They found more and apparently I am doing everything I can so ... that's just apparently something I have to live with.
What? I have to live constantly uncomfortable because they won't recommend anything? No. I will not accept this.
This New Years was better than most. Why? Because our insurance changed,thankyougod.
Now we have insurance that covers just about anything. Including total mastectomy and rebuilding. Now I just have to get my Dr. to put it as medically necessary. You see I asked and the cysts won't grow if there is no tissue.
No tissue=no cysts
No tissue=no cysts
No tissue=no cysts
Sounds like a no brainer to me.
I know a lot of women have cysts. But I don't care. I refuse to let this be the end of the conversation. I refuse to Constantly wonder if this new pain is really "the lump" The lump they find for cancer. You see I have a grandmother and an Aunt who both had it. SO every pain,every lump I find I worry. Wouldn't you?
No drinking
No smoking
No caffeine
As little salt as possible
Eat lots of Flax seed so the water retention would be less
And my favorite, less stress.
Now I did less drinking, gave up smoking, paid WAY more attention to the salt intake(have you ever read a label for soup? WOW! ) Bought some Flax seed,un-ground,ate it in my oatmeal,but the stress...In order to lessen my stress I would need a whole dfferent life. I even cut out caffeine, for a day, then I decided after a bad headache that I would wean myself off of it slowly. Well the first of the year came around and I was drinking and smoking like normal and back to caffeine whenever.
And my breasts still hurt.
So I decided to crack down and do it for real. My caffeine is all before noon . My coffee is 1-2 cups in the morning and it is the half-caffeine. Sometimes I have a diet coke,but again, before noon. I gave up smoking and drinking,again. No red meat, still keeping an eye on the salt intake, and trying to lessen the stress.
And I started to feel better.
Then I stopped. I had hurt both of my knees and had a stress fracture, so I was now unable to run or even walk fast to alleviate what stress I could. Slowly I started to slip into the bad habits again. In June I went back to my Dr. because the pain was so bad I just knew they had gotten worse. I was right, she felt more. So back for another mammogram I went. I chose a different place because the last Dr. was all holistic.I had also been reading on the Internet about the cysts (Never, NEVER, do that.)And I thought a different place would give me a different answer.
Nope, same thing. Cysts. So the Dr. there said the same thing. After much over -thinking on this I went to see my GP Dr. I was now having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night and day. I couldn't focus for all the ruminating I was doing about these lumps! I just couldn't live like this. So the Dr. agreed and he prescibed a daily medicine for the anxiety. It took about a month but it began to work. Thank god. In the meantime, some things around the house came to a head and that is when I took care of the other stress issues. I began to section myself off from everyone while I took back control of my life. I grappled with a few things but quickly realized that I couldn't drink anymore. It just made me feel like such wasteland the next day. Even if I only had one beer. Since I wasn't drinking the smoking was easy to stop. I went back to my previous caffeine schedule and a few weeks later I noticed there was no pain. NO PAIN! A revelation, the hippie holistic Dr. was right. Until Christmas. I have had more pain in the past month because of all the stress. It built up and up and up until I almost had to scream every night. It.Totally.Sucked.
I went back for my annual exam at the Dr.s and she found more lumps and on both sides. It was getting worse. For all my hard work and the damn things were growing and expanding. So she ordered ANOTHER mammogram. They found more and apparently I am doing everything I can so ... that's just apparently something I have to live with.
What? I have to live constantly uncomfortable because they won't recommend anything? No. I will not accept this.
This New Years was better than most. Why? Because our insurance changed,thankyougod.
Now we have insurance that covers just about anything. Including total mastectomy and rebuilding. Now I just have to get my Dr. to put it as medically necessary. You see I asked and the cysts won't grow if there is no tissue.
No tissue=no cysts
No tissue=no cysts
No tissue=no cysts
Sounds like a no brainer to me.
I know a lot of women have cysts. But I don't care. I refuse to let this be the end of the conversation. I refuse to Constantly wonder if this new pain is really "the lump" The lump they find for cancer. You see I have a grandmother and an Aunt who both had it. SO every pain,every lump I find I worry. Wouldn't you?
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A necessary evil..
Medical Insurance brings an extra pitter patter to my heart. I loathe the hoops you have to jump through in order to get what you need. I loathe the fact that our insurance started on January 1st and I have already spent a total of 5 hours on the phone with them and Dr.'s offices setting everything up and seeing who we can keep and who has to be forgotten.The pediatrician is the only one who made the cut.I am glad that it is there to protect us from full price Dr.'s visits, but now with this one I have a harder time finding doctors who take it and are close. They also seem to cover almost everything a hundred percent, it is just a matter of finding someone closer than western Illinois to go to. This is the year I am getting everything broken fixed. And as long as I jump through the appropriate hoops on the way we should all remain friends until the end. I have called them from my kids Karate class while hiding in the back of the building to hear and not be heard by others, I have parked in the duos preschool lot so I could get it done on the way to my next errand, I have used my oh-so-precious alone time this-the-most-important-week-yet to utilize the quiet to get some answers.I guess considering how bad the other insurance we had was, this is a dramatic improvement, I just wish it didn't have to be so complicated!
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